upper room daily devotions

Tuesday, February 26, 2008

A Short Confessional Moment - A Little Pensive

I took this picture in Kenya. It depicts my Lenten experience quite well. I feel like that tree under that big sky, so full of promise, so full of uncertainty. What will happen?

I haven't written on this blog for a little while. It just seems that every time an idea comes to mind, I'm not in a place to write. And, when I'm in a location with the time to write there is nothing to say. As Lent progresses, I have found myself increasingly pensive, contemplative, and at a loss for words. I've been wondering if this loss of words (and if you knew me you would know how unusual a loss of words is...I am clergy after all) might serve me well during this time of wilderness and wandering. Perhaps the journey through Lent can be better experienced without the trappings of the mind hurtling from one thought to the next, without the mouth speaking one more banal statement, without the clutter that arises from the overuse of words. How ironic that I'm using words to communicate a time of wordlessness.

Today I was walking in my church's neighborhood. It's a residential area populated by small bungalows, lots of folks in their early 30s, and Priuses on every corner. The sun was out and the blue sky was dappled with full and plump clouds drifting by on their way to...where? I stopped beside a house with a rusty iron bench in its front yard and wanted to wander over and sit. Thankfully I resisted, but throughout the walk I thought very little while feeling quite a lot. Most of the feelings included a sense of longing, almost melancholy but not quite. That bench seemed a perfect place to bring a rusty spirit, a lonely heart, a wishful hope. Or perhaps the bench itself needed company. I'm not sure.

One thing is becoming more clear this Lent. Regardless of the Lenten disciplines I established at the beginning of the season, my spiritual journey is taking its own course - one not established or controlled by me. And it is a course that is much more emotional than intellectual. So, I am realizing that I am along for whatever current is pulling me along. Sorry for the quietness of the blog, but I have clearly entered a time of quiet in the soul.

I hope you are having a meaningful Lent. I certainly am.

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